What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 01:39
But it wasn’t much.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We were not on the streets..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So, i spoilt her more .
Ive learnt so much.
The Hemi V-8 Is Back: ‘We Screwed Up,' Says Ram CEO - Motor1.com
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why did my ex-narcissist move so fast with his new supply marriage engagement moving in, etc.?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She loved him until the end.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Is it true that most Indian men are gay and they just hide their feelings?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im dying but, im not bitter.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Boisson Beats Andreeva, Updated French Open Women's Bracket at Roland-Garros - Bleacher Report
One cannot live in the past .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
When she asked me how she looked .
Death threats to Astros pitcher Lance McCullers Jr. came from "overseas" resident - NBC Sports
She found it foreign!.
I was seconnd youngest,
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I don,t even have a pension.
☆ what's the thing that made u fell in love with your bias?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why does my ex boyfriend do this?
I said to her
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I have no regrets .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
So whats the point in blame.
But, we were locked up after school.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Would this be the day?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I will be 64.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I could never make a relationship work though!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
What did i know ?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She wouldn,t have been !
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And who doesn’t know suffering?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im still living with it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was very sick at this time too.
Who then, do I blame.?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She was in good health!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I couldn’t, believe it.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My family never makes their pension either.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She married twice! .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Put me off passion for life!!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was scared of men, in general
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I write beautiful poetry .
I think the readers, may guess!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was 9 years of age.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We all went to grammer schools
This is soul school!.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I waited trembling.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The only rule us 5 kids had .
All the time i was locked up.
Was to survive, this bastard.
And i lived it daily.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As i do to all so called friends.?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My life is so biszare .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He knew the spot.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Comes on , in middle age.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
It was going to be , some day.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.